So, I’ve been trying not to blog about the mess that is “Jon and Kate Plus Eight.” Hoping, I suppose, that it all would just go away. I imagine Kate Gosselin has been hoping the same thing. This ugly tale affects us in a difficult way because Big A has been a complete fanatic over the show. The day I had to tell her that Jon and Kate were getting divorced was really difficult.
We don’t have cable, so Big A didn’t start watching it at home. She got hooked at the babysitter’s last summer. And both the sitter and I thought this was a sweet, wholesome show for her to watch—and it appealed to her love of kids, babysitting, etc. We eventually got the first three seasons on DVD and have watched the episodes over and over. Fortunately, we (she) have not seen a bit of season four or five.
Big A has read Kate Gosselin’s books. She makes posters and Powerpoint presentations with pictures of the family. She adores the show and all the kids. She's even e-mailed the family and sent e-cards on the childrens' birthdays (not that she's received a response back.)
So it makes us very sad to watch this story implode through the eyes of our little girl.
I have been questioning my own judgment in allowing her to watch the show. Should I have seen this coming? I’m old enough to know that reality television is just a sugar-coated version of whatever truth the producers want to us to believe. Did I set my daughter up for this disappointment? I guess I am angry that I fell for it … I thought it was a safe show for her to watch, and it wasn’t. I should have known better – sticking to the usual fare of Little House and Disney movies for the kids. Letting the kids (particularly Big A) put a reality show family up on a pedestal and setting her up for this disillusionment, that’s a failure on my part I think … I am really struggling with that.
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This is about to sound cliche but it is meant with love. You know kids are going to grow up and learn about stuff like divorce. I think it's wise to protect them from stuff like that as long as reasonably possible. But there are much hairier beasts out there that she is going to have to learn about. Obviously we don't want to equate divorce as just a normal, acceptable part of life. In fact I think you want her to know that divorce can happen to people, but it will never happen to her mom and dad (you and B). She should be confident in that so that when a television family (or her friends families) break apart it is a spectator event to her and her faith in HER family is not shaken. I think this applies to subjects like divorce and music and movies and others, but also to much darker things like drugs, suicide, sexual choices, religions like Wicca and Mormonism and many others. I think you can't protect your kids forever so its better to show and tell them things in an environment you can control. Don't read me wrong. I don't think its wise to give up and let kids watch anything they want and do nothing. My summary is, protect what you can when you can, and control the environment so that when bad things happen, your children are confident in their foundation so they can make the best choices possible.
ReplyDeleteDr. Craig "Brother" Greenwood
Somewhere along the line my brother grew up and got very wise :-) I do agree. I just kick myself for watching her put these people up on a pedestal and buying it myself to some degree. I suppose I wish all along I had warned her not to idolize them so much -- that it was just television, that they are just people, that "reality tv" isn't real. I really stood by and let her adoration get out of hand with this show. In the end, we had a good discussion about it and we did talk about the things you mentioned. She actually asked, "But you and Daddy aren't getting divorced, right?" And we were able to reaffirm that truth in her life and help her sort of the difference between fantasy and reality. But I sure hated it. I guess it just goes with the parenting territory.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about this since I read it earlier. I think another 'lesson learned' for A is that various "people" are going to disappoint us throughout our whole lives. Including us parents - we're going to disappoint our kids, or they're going to grow into adults and see our flaws.
ReplyDeleteRealizing that most everyone is going to let us down at some point is a lesson that we all eventually learn. I don't mean that any of us should adopt negatives attitudes about people - but it's how we learn not to put anyone up on those pedestals.
I totally understand why you feel disappointed in yourself though - but really, this is a life lesson that A was bound to experience eventually. And she's lucky that she has you, her Mom, to help her sort through and process her feelings.
I have had this issue with my little O as well. She definitely related to the "older" Gosselin girls...even decided that she should keep her room cleaner because "Maddie and Cara do!" -- she has experience with families that are divorced so THAT wasn't the issue (for us) the issue was THINKING that everything was FINE and then BOOM - divorce. Because THAT could happen to her family too. I think Craig is right though, it just becomes a lesson -- even if the lesson is just don't believe everything you see on TV. Don't be so hard on yourself Momma, we were all duped.
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